then nicolas was supposed to be there with his new wife. or maybe it was just that his wife was supposed to be there. i didn’t think i cared either way, but when some tiny girl kept hanging around me and had some kind of strange watchful energy about her i came to believe it was her and kind of hated her a little.

then some guy i guess i knew who was a friend of dana d’a gave me a couple of guns to return to her or someone i don’t know. one was a tiny one that could fit entirely in the palm of your hand and the other was larger but was missing the magazine case or whatever that’s called. there were cops everywhere and i wasn’t sure when they would ask to search bags. it was incredibly unnerving. i tried to think of places i could hide the guns in the gallery while i watched the movie, but i couldn’t take the risk that they would be found by someone else and lost forever.

i made it into one of the theaters without getting searched but then i realized that it was known for being relaxed with the rules. the guy who sold food there used human parts for his scrapple and salamis. eyeballs and everything! and the cops just turned a blind eye to it all.

so gross.

i was in a village in italy. we were a small community of mostly women. somehow, it felt like summer camp. we were preparing skits and other programs for each other. maybe it was some kind of summer camp. there was a large swimming pool and there was a balcony some of the people were jumping off of to get into the pool. i was afraid to jump. someone was daring me and i was afraid that she would push me or throw me off, which would have been death for sure because you had to jump out a little from the balcony. if you fell straight down, you would miss the pool.

there were some dogs on the balcony i pet a lot. they were really good at soaking up the love. i went back into the living room and pet the dogs some more. the back of the couch turned into some kind of hoofed creature. maybe a small horse or a slight and very graceful cow.

my father was there. that’s when i realized that we would be doing more sight seeing. but he was really into making some cd mixes so some of us decided to try to get some blank cds from the headmaster’s office for my dad. we were being so sneaky but i didn’t really see the point since the headmaster was out of town.

then it turned out that we were all jews and nazis were coming to destroy us, so everyone was worried about getting caught by them. we decided to trick them into thinking we were already dead. the women had dug their own graves and had their heads sticking out so it looked like they were buried alive and left there to starve to death or be shot. some of them had fake bloody shots to their head.

i wanted to trick the nazis too so i dug myself a shallow pit. willow from buffy was there. she was the one who was going to make it look like we were sealed in cement with a spell. the cement would cover as far into her body as where she buttoned her dress. when we were all set up, she buttoned her dress a little and it worked. cement appeared over the loose rocks that covered us. i wondered if i could act dead enough to fool anyone and whether they would not just take machine guns to our heads for sport.

nothing to do but wait.

they came inside and began checking everything out. there was a p.a. in the doorway they admired immediately and claimed for themselves. we talked about music a little bit. i wanted to make friends with them, figuring they would be less likely to shoot me if they saw me as their peer. it worked more or less. when they spotted my laptop and i begged them not to take it because of my schoolwork, they agreed to let me take it. they were still very excited about the p.a. they searched upstairs for valuables but found none. while they were up there i hid my banjo.

they liked it upstairs and decided to stay a while. i did not appreciate the invasion but they were being so nice and respectful, gun and imposition aside. i think one of them might have had a slight crush on me and wanted to maintain a good impression, and i certainly wanted to win them over so they wouldn’t shoot me or steal something i actually valued.

they were so young and fun-spirited that i sometimes forgot that they were not just normal, slightly irritating, housemates but unwanted intruders. eventually they showed their thuggish ways by one of them getting into trouble and the other having to leave to clean up the mess.

i felt absolutely betrayed. i trusted him with my suitcase and trusted him to have his act together and it turned out he was a coke dealer, and a careless one at that.

over the course of the vacation i debated whether and when to turn myself in. i figured i had to try to explain myself and make the case of my innocence.

then i went into a school building for an exam. sharon l. from monticello was there making sure that everyone conformed to the rules. they were really strict. they searched everyone’s coat pockets for cheat sheets and measured everyone’s bags to make sure they were the proper dimensions.

i looked around to find someone to roll my eyes at, and that’s when i realized that the people in the exam room were from my german history class which i hadn’t taken since undergrad. i was completely unprepared for this exam.

then mike p. hit on me. i was not certain what to think or how to handle it, but then nicolas showed up kind of out of nowhere. he plopped his head on the table in front of me, sad and defeated. he needed comforting and without thinking of it i kissed him over and over on the cheek and neck. i held him in my arms and everyone, especially mike p., disappeared. then m.w. showed up and told me that nicolas had just left his position at his own company and that was why he was sad.

then i was friends with steve martin.  our friendship began very quickly and naturally.  we met and felt comfortable with each other instantly, and we really liked each other.  he began to develop feelings for me, of course about the same time that another winsome fellow wanted my affection.  i was interested in the other fellow, but felt loyalty and true affection to steve martin.  i would give him anything he asked.  the other fellow became discouraged by my attention to steve martin and slipped away.